Everyone has an inner critic—that voice that whispers (or shouts), “You’re not good enough,” “You’ll mess it up,” or “You don’t deserve this.”

For many in recovery, that voice gets even louder. After years of guilt, shame, or failure, the critic becomes a constant companion.

But here’s the truth: your inner critic isn’t the boss.

What Is the Inner Critic?

It’s the internalized voice of judgment—often shaped by past experiences, trauma, or harsh environments. It’s meant to protect you from shame or failure, but it usually just keeps you small.

Signs You’re Stuck in Critic Mode
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 	<li aria-level="1">Harsh self-talk: “I’m a screw-up,” “I always ruin everything”

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 	<li aria-level="1">Perfectionism: “If I’m not perfect, I don’t deserve success”

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 	<li aria-level="1">Comparison: “Everyone else is doing better than me”

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 	<li aria-level="1">Shame spirals: One mistake leads to a full identity crisis

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Why the Critic Gets Louder in Recovery

When you’re learning to live without numbing or escaping, feelings are raw. You’re vulnerable. And the critic steps in, pretending to offer safety—but really reinforcing old beliefs.

Meet Self-Compassion: The Alternative Voice

Self-compassion doesn’t mean letting yourself off the hook. It means:
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 	<li aria-level="1">Holding your pain with gentleness

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 	<li aria-level="1">Responding to mistakes with kindness

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 	<li aria-level="1">Seeing yourself as worthy, even when you struggle

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It says, “Yes, you messed up—and you’re still worthy of love.”

How to Quiet the Critic
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 	<li aria-level="1">Notice the voice
 Become aware of how you talk to yourself. Would you say it to a friend?

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</ul>
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 	<li aria-level="1">Name it
 Give your critic a name or identity. This helps create distance. (“That’s Critical Carla talking again.”)

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</ul>
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 	<li aria-level="1">Talk back with compassion
 Replace the script: “I’m doing my best. I’m learning. I don’t have to be perfect.”

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</ul>
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 	<li aria-level="1">Practice self-soothing
 Breathe. Journal. Use a mantra. Remind yourself: “I’m safe. I’m enough. I’m growing.”

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</ul>
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 	<li aria-level="1">Find support
 Therapists, support groups, and close friends can mirror the compassionate voice you’re trying to build.

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Final Thought

You are not your worst thoughts. You are not your past mistakes. You are someone learning to lead yourself with love—not fear.

That inner critic may still speak—but you don’t have to listen.

Your Inner Critic Isn’t the Boss: Learning to Lead with Self-Compassion

If you’re a parent in recovery, one of the hardest conversations you’ll face is the one with your child. What do you say? What do you keep to yourself? How do you explain something so heavy without scaring them?

There’s no perfect script—but there is a way to speak with honesty, care, and age-appropriate truth.

Why It Matters

Kids are more perceptive than we think. Even if they don’t understand addiction or mental health in detail, they sense tension, secrecy, and emotional disconnection.

Talking to them—rather than around them—helps rebuild trust.

What Kids Need Most
<ul>
 	<li aria-level="1">Reassurance
 Let them know it’s not their fault. That they’re loved. That you’re getting help.

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</ul>
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 	<li aria-level="1">Honesty at Their Level
 You don’t have to share everything. But you should name the struggle. “I was sick, and now I’m getting better,” works better than pretending nothing happened.

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</ul>
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 	<li aria-level="1">Permission to Feel
 Kids may be angry, sad, confused. That’s okay. Let them know their feelings are welcome, even if they’re hard to hear.

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</ul>
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 	<li aria-level="1">Consistency
 Follow through. If you promise you’ll be home, be home. If you commit to recovery, show up. Trust is rebuilt with time.

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How to Frame the Conversation (by Age)
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 	<li aria-level="1">Young children (under 10): Keep it simple. “Mommy/Daddy had a sickness that made her act not like herself. Now she’s getting better with help.”

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</ul>
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 	<li aria-level="1">Tweens/Teens: Be more direct. They may already know or suspect what’s going on. Ask what they’ve noticed. Answer their questions calmly.

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 	<li aria-level="1">Young adults: They may be more ready to hear about the full scope of your experience—but they may also carry anger or mistrust. Let them speak.

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What to Avoid
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 	<li aria-level="1">Blaming others

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 	<li aria-level="1">Over-explaining your pain

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 	<li aria-level="1">Making promises you can’t keep

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 	<li aria-level="1">Using your child as a confidant or therapist

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Invite Ongoing Dialogue

This shouldn’t be a one-time conversation. Let them know they can ask more questions as they grow. Make emotional check-ins a normal part of your relationship.

Final Thought

You don’t have to be perfect. You just have to be real. Your willingness to talk about your recovery can help your child grow up with more empathy, resilience—and trust in you.

Talking to Kids About Recovery: What They Need to Hear from You

When people talk about relapse triggers, they mention stress, sadness, anger. But one of the sneakiest, most overlooked triggers is boredom.

In recovery, boredom isn’t just inconvenient—it can feel terrifying. The space left behind when you remove a substance or habit can feel too big, too quiet, too unfamiliar.

And if you don’t plan for it? It might try to fill itself.

Why Boredom Is So Powerful in Recovery

Addiction often gives structure to your day. It fills time, numbs discomfort, and creates patterns. When that goes away, you’re left with a blank page—and that blank page can feel unbearable.

Boredom can trigger thoughts like:
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 	<li aria-level="1">“What’s the point?”

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 	<li aria-level="1">“I have nothing to do.”

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 	<li aria-level="1">“Just one time won’t hurt.”

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 	<li aria-level="1">“Maybe I was better off before.”

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It’s Not Just a Lack of Entertainment

Boredom in recovery is deeper than being “not busy.” It’s the absence of purpose, direction, and stimulation your brain got used to.

Without new tools or outlets, it becomes a breeding ground for cravings.

How to Handle It: Fill the Space With Intention
<ul>
 	<li aria-level="1">Create a flexible routine.
 Structure helps prevent long, aimless stretches of time. Include time for rest, but also movement, meals, hobbies, and connection.

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</ul>
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 	<li aria-level="1">Try new activities—even if they feel weird at first.
 Take a walk, doodle, learn an instrument, cook something new. You don’t have to be “good” at it. You just have to be curious.

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 	<li aria-level="1">Connect with others.
 Loneliness and boredom often go hand in hand. Text a friend. Join a support group. Volunteer. People help fill emotional space.

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</ul>
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 	<li aria-level="1">Use mindfulness techniques.
 Sometimes we label emotions as boredom when we’re actually feeling anxiety or grief. Sit with it. Breathe through it. Get curious.

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 	<li aria-level="1">Build a “boredom emergency kit.”
 Keep a list of quick actions that reset your focus—music, stretching, making tea, going outside. Keep it visible.

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It’s Okay If You Miss the Chaos

It’s not uncommon to miss the drama of active addiction. That chaos was stimulating, even if it was destructive. Recovery can feel flat in comparison.

That doesn’t mean it’s wrong—it means it’s healing. Give it time.

Final Thought

Boredom isn’t the enemy—it’s the space where new things begin. But you have to plant something in that space, or old patterns might try to grow back.

Structure it. Fill it. Protect it. One day, that empty space will feel like freedom.

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